Yesterday I saw a lady walking out of Petco w a baby in the shopping kart and I was genuinely concerned why her dog looked so weird for a good minute before realizing it was a baby

Showed up to work a whole fuckin half hour early cus they changed the schedule yesterday like wtf

Being at work this early makes me feel really nauseous and sick

friend: “yea i got into *really big out of state university*”
me: whoa sick congrats on ur wealthy parents

@ work and I just thought to myself “wow it’s cold in here I wish Starbucks would put me in their oven” I have a death wish

To all the Starbucks out there u can eat my ass

I have to be at work at 6 tomorrow morning and Aaron wants me to go out and drink tonight